Concealed Crushes
by Cress
Summary: Joey:Chandler slash, occuring after episode 612, TOW The Joke. Reposted, but not revised. Please see the Note of the first chapter for why.
1. The Question

[This Joey/Chandler story was originally posted as 2 chapters, but I have now divided it up into 7 chapters for easier reading. (It was my very first J/C story, so I hadn't yet got the hang of chapter length.) Sorry for not adding any new material, but I think the story ends where it should.  
  
Anyway, Julia asked for a story based on this plot, not knowing that I've already done it. So I hope she'll spot this story and give her opinion on it.  
  
This story occurs after episode 612, TOW The Joke, and features an elaborate scheme devised by Phoebe, who considers herself the "puppet master" of the group, as she said in episode 901.]  
  
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Chapter 1. The Question  
  
Chandler realized suddenly that he was the only guy who had answered Rachel's hypothetical question, so he quickly and lamely denied, "No way. I'm not going to answer that." He was too late, though, and most of his friends smirked at him.  
  
"Ooh," Phoebe snickered. "Chandler would date Joey! See Monica, when you date one of your friends, you choose the fun one, not the high maintenance one."  
  
Monica folded her arms confidently due to what was said at the coffeehouse earlier that day. "Chandler chose me, didn't he? You heard him say how he loves 'maintaining' me. If he can't have me, he just doesn't want my geeky older brother instead."  
  
"Geeky--!" Ross scowled. "Thanks a lot, Monica!" He turned to Phoebe next. "High maintenance? Are you saying I'm high maintenance?"  
  
Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Okay, do *not* get me started on the Geller problems again!"  
  
Rachel laughed out loud, and agreed that Ross was high maintenance, just like his sister. He was jealous, obsessive, and so insecure that he faked an English accent just to be interesting at his NYU lecture. Ross was not pleased at all.  
  
Meanwhile, Joey stared at Chandler silently, as if he hadn't decided yet how he should react to being chosen by Chandler for a hypothetical date.  
  
Chandler blushed deeply and still tried to bluff it off. "No-no-no-no-no! I-I was just joking! Joking!" He anxiously forced out his work-laugh. "See? See? I'm writing it down in my new joke journal." He took it out and scribbled the date, time, and place, followed by, "I would date Joey. Ha-ha-ha!"  
  
Phoebe loved teasing him. "Oh come on, Joey used to be your cute roomie, and you were his sugar daddy with the bills."  
  
Chandler stammered, "I-I was not his--!"  
  
"Joey and Chandler, sitting in a tree..." Phoebe ended the sing-song by making embarrassing kissing noises.  
  
Chandler covered his ears with his hands, and sang "La-la-la!" to drown it out.  
  
Oddly enough, Monica was thoroughly amused, but she did go over to Chandler and sit him down on the couch, patting his shoulders to soothe him. "It's okay, sweetie."  
  
Ross joined in the fun. "Hey Chandler, didn't you say you invented that cups game to give Joey money?"  
  
"He did?" Joey blinked in surprise.  
  
"Ooh, new evidence!" Phoebe clapped eagerly.  
  
Rachel looked confused. "Wait, uh, 'cups'?"  
  
"You know, the night that you moved out of here." Ross explained how, during the packing, he and Joey had been playing a card game that Chandler had specially invented so that Joey could win money from him. Joey listened intently to this story, while Monica commented, "How sweet!"  
  
Chandler just sank down lower on the couch.  
  
Phoebe continued with a shrug. "Why deny it, Chandler? So you have a little crush on Joey. I mean, who wouldn't?" she winked flirtatiously at Joey, who smiled back.  
  
But, noticing how badly Chandler was taking this prolonged joke, Joey intervened with concern. "Listen guys, maybe you oughta let up a little..."  
  
"Ooh," Phoebe said. "He's defending his little buddy."  
  
Chandler didn't dare look at Joey then.  
  
"Phoebe!" Joey warned.  
  
"Sorry, I can't help it. You make such a cute couple!"  
  
Chandler couldn't take it anymore, so he got up and finally ran out of the apartment. He went across the hall to hide at Joey's place, and Joey followed him, despite how it would look to the others. "Hey, man, you okay?" Joey asked as he entered.  
  
Chandler plopped down on a chair and tried to breathe. "I, uh, I just needed to get away."  
  
"I know." Joey locked the door in case the others came after them. Then he looked down at his feet and cleared his throat. "Hey, um, that thing you tried to do with the cups game, that was nice of you. Really... nice." He walked over and sat near Chandler. "But I told you, man, I don't want to take your charity anymore. Now that you're living with Monica, it should all be for you and her, not me."  
  
Chandler shrugged, avoiding Joey's eyes. "I just--I worry about you." He was thinking of the night before, when he and Monica had caught Joey in their apartment, huddled in a blanket and watching their TV. He had looked so lonely and destitute there, that Chandler wished he could ask Joey to live with them in their guest room, but Joey would probably have too much pride to agree, and Monica would not allow the birds to come too.  
  
"You don't have to worry," Joey assured him. "Look, I'll find another roommate soon, or I'll get more acting gigs, or I'll work more hours at the coffeehouse. I'll be fine."  
  
"But what if you lose your health insurance again? Remember how you needed a hernia operation, and you wouldn't let me loan you the money?"  
  
"I already owe you so much, Chandler. I wanna do this on my own now. I wanna make you proud of me."  
  
"I *am* proud of you. I--"  
  
"Chandler," Joey placed a firm hand on his shoulder. "Can I, um, can I say something?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"About that crush you have--"  
  
"I-I-I don't have a crush--" He became panicky and defensive again.  
  
Joey grabbed both of his arms and squeezed them, confessing quietly, "I have a crush on you too."  
  
That stunned Chandler and made him meet Joey's eyes at last. "You do?"  
  
Joey nodded, looking somewhat embarrassed. "I know I didn't say anything over there, but I do. I would totally date you if I was gay and you were too, and we were both free..." He realized that he was speaking too seriously about the hypothetical situation, so he laughed and shook his head, dismissing it. "Can you imagine what Phoebe would think if she heard that? And Monica! Well, um, anyway, I'm sorry they all ragged on you so much. I think it's because we're best buddies, you know, and they don't get it like we get it."  
  
Chandler did not quite know what to say. He thought about what it would be like if he and Joey were dating, but that would mean they'd both be gay, wouldn't it? Or at least bi.  
  
Joey realized that he was still holding onto Chandler, so he abruptly let go and stood up. "Anyway," he awkwardly smiled. "Don't tell Ross; he'll get jealous."  
  
"Um, yeah." Chandler nodded.  
  
Suddenly, someone tried turning Joey's doorknob. "Hey, what's with the lock? You boys making out?"  
  
"Phoebe!" Joey opened the door impatiently, and saw the whole gang gathered in the hall outside.  
  
Monica hit Phoebe on the arm for her last remark, and everybody followed with quick apologies for their earlier jokes. So Chandler came to the door, and soon everybody returned to Monica's apartment, with all hurt feelings mended.  
  
Phoebe zipped her lips about it, but she secretly looked at Joey and Chandler with growing suspicion. Sure, Chandler might like "maintaining" Monica as he claimed, but he loved taking care of Joey too, and you couldn't ignore his answer to Rachel's question, either. 


	2. The Trouble with Money

Chapter 2. The Trouble with Money  
  
Time passed, and despite his job at the coffeehouse, Joey continued to have money problems. Out of desperation, he started stealing food from Monica and Chandler's, although they actually knew about it and didn't mind.  
  
Meanwhile, Rachel's spoiled sister Jill got financially cut off by Mr. Green, so the gang tried to teach her independence, as they had once done with Rachel. When Ross started dating Jill, however, it disturbed Rachel so much that she came over to Monica and Chandler's to look through their window into Ross's apartment. Unfortunately, Ross closed the drapes.  
  
Rachel caught Monica and Chandler fooling around that night, and later on, she caught Joey sneaking in for more food. Then Monica and Chandler emerged from their bedroom, and they told Joey that they knew already, so he didn't have to hide his stealing. He was embarrassed but relieved.  
  
The four of them discussed Ross and Jill's date, and Joey pointed out that he was still mad at Chandler for kissing his sister.  
  
"That was like five years ago!" Chandler protested.  
  
It was really only three years ago, and Joey could remember how he had once privately suspected Chandler of fooling around with his sister, just because he couldn't fool around with Joey himself. There was always a certain quality about Chandler that made you think he might be gay, underneath it all. Knowing how sensitive Chandler was about the issue, Joey did not mention it.  
  
Rachel remained frustrated about Ross and Jill, no matter how much her friends told her to not be jealous. To her relief, she found out the next day that Ross had just been showing slides of fossils with his drapes closed. Rachel asked Ross to stop dating her sister, but Jill got upset when she found out.  
  
Meanwhile, the gang discovered that Ursula was starring in porn films under Phoebe's name, so Phoebe got revenge by stealing Ursula's paychecks. Eventually, Ross broke up with Jill for good, and she stormed off home to daddy.  
  
***  
  
More time passed, and Joey attempted to do another medical study for cash, but they were only researching identical twins at the moment. Joey tried to hire an actor to play his twin, but naturally his scheme didn't work.  
  
Luckily, Joey was able to commiserate with Chandler that night. Because of conflicting work schedules, Monica and Chandler had planned to celebrate Valentine's two weeks late, but they had also agreed to make their gifts, and Chandler had failed miserably, giving Monica an old mix-tape from Janice. When Monica angrily locked him out of their bedroom, Chandler retreated across the hall.  
  
"Hey, um, can I stay the night?" Chandler asked Joey pathetically.  
  
"Sure. But what happened? I thought this was your Valentine's night."  
  
"It was, until I messed it all up."  
  
"How?" Joey got them both beers and they sat down together.  
  
Chandler told him what happened.  
  
"But wait a minute," Joey said. "Monica forgot about it too and didn't make *you* a gift. She even tried to pass off Phoebe's sock bunny. How can she be angry at you?"  
  
"I think it's because I took advantage of her guilt, with the cooking and the sex."  
  
"Come on! The cooking was what she should have done for you in the first place; how hard is it for Mon to make a nice dinner for you if she forgot about a gift?"  
  
"Well, um, Janice was singing on the mix-tape, and it kind of spoiled the night."  
  
"Huh! If you ask me, Mon shouldn't have made the stupid rule that you have to make the Valentine's gifts. You guys aren't ten anymore; you could've bought her anything."  
  
Chandler shrugged, then changed the subject by asking Joey how his medical study turned out, although he could pretty much guess already. "Sorry, Joe. Listen, do you need me to help you out with a little cash?"  
  
Joey looked at him fondly, but shook his head. "No, I'll get by. Thanks, anyway."  
  
They drank and played foosball until it was late, then Chandler slept in his old bed. Joey's ex-roommate Janine had taken away all her girly stuff and left it a bare bachelor's room again. How great was Joey, to break up with Janine and lose her half of the rent just because she was so snooty to Monica and Chandler! 


	3. New Roommates and A Fridge

Chapter 3. New Roommates and A Fridge  
  
But after that night, Joey couldn't have Chandler sleep over anymore, because a fire at the Phoebe and Rachel's apartment forced them to move in with their friends. The girls fought over who could stay where, but finally Rachel stayed with Joey, and Phoebe settled for Monica's obsessively clean guest room. Rachel and Monica had once switched apartments with the guys before, and hated it, but this time Rachel didn't mind the smell or the messiness of Joey's place. Maybe Chandler's old bedroom was just that much more tolerable than Joey's, or maybe Rachel just really did not want to move in with Ross.  
  
Ross started dating a student named Elizabeth, despite the twelve-year age difference and despite the fact that he could get fired from NYU. They seemed to be turned on by the forbidden element to their relationship.  
  
Meanwhile, as a favor to Joey, Chandler got back in touch with Dana Keystone, a friend from college who was directing a new Al Pacino movie. He had once gone out with Dana, which made Monica jealous, but Chandler saw her anyway for Joey's sake, and he even let Dana believe that he was brokenhearted over her rejection in order to score Joey an audition. He was a great friend.  
  
But suddenly, Chandler wasn't so nice anymore. Joey's fridge broke, and Chandler refused to help Joey buy a new one. Joey figured that all his other friends would probably refuse to pay half, because they had never thought of him as their responsibility, but Chandler of all people should have been a sure thing.  
  
So Joey had to eat all of his food before it spoiled, making himself a little sick, while Chandler got into the fierce competition to find Rachel a date. He and Monica pitched their incredible-smelling guy Eldad against Phoebe's rich guy Patrick, but both sides lost because Rachel got fed up and decided to go to her charity ball alone.  
  
Feeling jealous and insecure, Ross impetuously decided to go away on spring break with Elizabeth.  
  
And the fridge remained broken.  
  
Joey had tried the whole gang, except Monica, and failed, so he asked Rachel what exactly she intended to do, living in an apartment for maybe months without a fridge. Eat out all the time? Have no cold drinks? Waste food and throw out leftovers? Try to squeeze her stuff into Monica and Chandler's fridge?  
  
Rachel saw Joey's point, but she still felt that her paying for half was unfair, since she'd only just moved in; she finally suggested that they bring Phoebe's fridge over to Joey's place, since it was just sitting unused while their apartment was repaired. They told Phoebe the plan, and she agreed to it, since she wanted to hang out more at Joey's place anyway, instead of being suffocated at Monica's.  
  
"Monica and Chandler's," Joey corrected.  
  
"Monica's," she scoffed. "He's just another guest at Hotel Monica, cowering to her freaky neatness."  
  
Joey didn't appreciate the dig at Chandler, but he was relieved to not need to ask his family for money; if he did ask, they might try again to convince him to go into the family pipe-fitting business. Chandler had always understood that dread and taken care of Joey, when others might have said, "What's the point of you living here if you're not going to help me with the bills?"  
  
Joey realized sadly that Chandler wasn't going to take care of him anymore. He knew he had to grow up sometime, but he hadn't thought it would be in a crunch like this. Well, at least his problem was solved until Phoebe and Rachel moved back to their apartment and took the fridge with them; hopefully, Joey wouldn't be so short of cash by then.  
  
So Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey all pitched in to pay for movers to take away the old fridge and bring the "new" one over from the charred apartment. Thankfully, only the bedrooms had been damaged in the fire, and not the kitchen.  
  
Once the fridge got installed and started to get cold inside, Phoebe suggested restocking it with food.  
  
"Yeah, okay." Rachel started to get her purse.  
  
"Let's make a list!" Monica eagerly got out a notepad. "Then you won't forget anything. Let's start with you, Joey. What do you need?"  
  
"Me? Uh, no thanks. I'm still full from eating all that food the other day."  
  
"Oh, come on, Joey. You need beer at least. Listen, don't worry about the money; it's on me, since we're already feeding you anyway."  
  
Apparently she still thought of Joey as a quasi-kid that they were supporting, even if Chandler didn't; maybe Joey shouldn't have just assumed that Monica would also refuse to help him pay for the fridge.  
  
In any case, Monica made out a list of groceries, then headed off to the nearest store with Phoebe and Rachel, who jokingly asked whether "Mom" would pay for their groceries too.  
  
Ross was still on spring break, so Joey and Chandler were left alone. They went back across the hall to the big apartment, got some beers from the fridge, and put them in a cooler of ice. Then they sat drinking and watching the TV in silence.  
  
Finally, Joey couldn't help but say something. "I guess, um, I should thank you too for buying my food. You and Monica probably have a joint bank account or something."  
  
Chandler looked at him at last. "What? No way! We're not married yet. Just a couple."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
But Chandler knew what he meant. She would want a joint banking account someday, she would want to get married, and she would want babies. It was understood, though he avoided thinking about it.  
  
His hand brushed against Joey's when they both grabbed for another beer from the cooler.  
  
"Sorry!" Joey pulled his hand away, and for a moment he could have sworn that he saw Chandler blushing in return. Maybe Chandler still had that crush on him, even now.  
  
"That's--that's okay," Chandler swallowed nervously and withdrew his hand too. "You take the last one, Joe."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Thanks." So Joey took the last beer. "Listen, um, I'm sorry I asked you to pay for half of the fridge. I know you don't live with me anymore. I mean, I wouldn't have even asked you if Rachel had said yes."  
  
Chandler understood, and felt apologetic too. "I, uh, I wasn't trying to be mean, you know? It just made me realize, um..."  
  
Joey shook his head. "You don't have to explain. I told you myself, 'No more charity for me. All you and Monica now.' Right?"  
  
"Right." But Chandler didn't sound wholly convinced. "Look, I guess--I guess I encouraged you to ask me, Joey. I mean, letting you come over in the middle of the night to watch our cable. Letting you steal our food. Offering you money when you didn't get that twin study at NYU."  
  
"Nah, that's nothing. I shouldn't have asked you to get me that audition through that girl Dana. I'm sorry."  
  
"That's all right." Chandler patted Joey on the leg with his hand, and they met each other's eyes in silence.  
  
Just then, they heard the girls coming back from shopping, and they quickly pulled away from each other. Phoebe and Rachel headed into the other apartment with their bags, while Monica came in long enough to ask the guys to help unload the groceries into the fridge.  
  
They obediently got up and joined the girls across the hall.  
  
***  
  
Life went on like normal, and Joey and Chandler kept burying and ignoring their crushes on one another, knowing it would place them in a difficult position with Monica and their other friends. Crushes always eventually faded away, didn't they?  
  
Soon Joey got an audition as the lead in a new TV series about a cop and his robot sidekick. He made the call-back list, but the second audition time got changed, and Chandler failed to leave him the message. Joey got upset with him, and Chandler tried to apologize, but Joey stayed angry, feeling almost betrayed. That part meant a lot to him, because of the money and independence it would have brought.  
  
Luckily, Joey got another chance at the part, and Chandler came through for him this time, so all was forgiven. They were happy and hugging again, just like old times. They could remember being in each other's arms many times before, and suddenly they realized how tightly they held onto each other now.  
  
Joey looked at him hesitantly. "Hey, do we do this too much?"  
  
Chandler agreed and nervously pushed Joey away from him. These embraces must have been the reason why he had developed a crush on Joey in the first place. Still not looking at Joey, he cleared his throat and said that maybe the gang should all go out to dinner to celebrate Joey getting the part.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, that would be great."  
  
So they went on, ignoring the feelings trapped below the surface. 


	4. Phoebe, the Puppet Master

Chapter 4. Phoebe, the Puppet Master  
  
One day at the coffeehouse, Rachel read out their horoscopes, and Chandler's predicted that a special someone would soon give him a gift, but then there would be a lover's spat, and later a secret crush would announce itself. Phoebe pretended that *she* had the crush on Chandler, to tease him and to keep him from suspecting her secret plan to get Joey to announce his own crush; little did she know that Joey had already announced it months ago, only to do nothing about it, out of respect for Chandler's relationship with Monica.  
  
Just then, Joey arrived, excited about his first day on the job at *Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.*, but nervous about working with a robot sidekick. "I don't know anything about technology! I can't even use Chandler's computer except to find porn! And that's only 'cause it's right there when you turn it on!"  
  
Monica glared at Chandler. "I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month."  
  
"I'll be waiting," Phoebe said, amused that the universe was apparently cooperating with her plan. Next she would have to choose a book.  
  
While Joey was at work, Ross came by to ask the others to help him impress Elizabeth's dad, Paul Stevens, and they agreed. The meeting went poorly, however, and Paul hated Ross. However, Paul did like Rachel, and they started dating. Ross found this situation weird and disturbing, but Rachel convinced him that it would help him get approval from Paul.  
  
Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler argued with Phoebe over the book she was writing about them. Little did they know that Phoebe was finding the weaknesses in their relationship so that she could prove that Chandler truly belonged with Joey.  
  
When Joey came home, he told them how he had offended the robot's controller guy, Wayne. To his shock, Joey learned that Wayne had the power to get him fired from the series, so he needed to win the guy over.  
  
Rachel tried to help Ross win over Paul at dinner, but she made things worse by accidentally revealing Ross's three divorces. Ross and Elizabeth declared that they would still keep seeing each other, even without her dad's approval.  
  
Phoebe still tormented Monica and Chandler with her book, and indirectly called Chandler "the queen of everything," which made him go all insecure again. Monica really had to be blind not to notice all the hints that Phoebe gave her about Chandler, but she was too busy being mad at Phoebe.  
  
Chandler visited Joey at the TV studio and helped him talk to Wayne, who agreed to save Joey's job, if Joey would just teach him how to flirt with women. So Joey did, and it worked.  
  
But Ross's problem only got worse because Paul threatened to get him fired from NYU if he kept dating Elizabeth. The reckless couple chose to secretly defy her dad anyway by going on a weekend trip to Elizabeth's grandmother's cabin in the woods.  
  
Meanwhile, Phoebe took Rachel and Monica to an exhibit at the Morgan-Chase museum, and they found out that the location could be reserved for weddings. The girls encouraged Monica to sign up on the two-year wait list, even though she and Chandler weren't engaged, and weren't even talking about marriage yet. Phoebe insisted that Monica would be wise to plan ahead, and Rachel agreed. "It can't hurt to put your name down."  
  
But it did hurt. Relaxing at home and screening phone calls that afternoon, Chandler overheard a message from the museum about the supposed "Bing-Geller wedding" and he understandably freaked out.  
  
Phoebe smiled devilishly when she hung up; she had called from Ross's empty apartment and had disguised her voice to pose as "Hildy" from the museum. Now she only had to wait for Monica to get home to make dinner, and the fireworks would start. Sure, Phoebe felt a little bad for Monica, but if she couldn't take a hint--in fact, many hints--then she'd have to be woken up violently to Chandler's true nature.  
  
Not realizing her part in Phoebe's grand scheme, Rachel went to dinner with Paul, who surprised her by taking her away to the same cabin that Ross and Elizabeth had gone to for the weekend; when the couples discovered each other there, Paul of course became furious, but luckily, Ross had discovered a way to blackmail Paul into accepting him.  
  
Back in New York, Phoebe was hanging out at the coffeehouse when Monica came up to her in a panic, telling her that Chandler had found out about the wedding reservation and had stormed off. Monica blamed Phoebe for talking her into signing up at the museum, then she ran off to keep looking for Chandler. Phoebe was secretly pleased by how things were progressing, so she decided to find Joey and tell him what had happened.  
  
Joey quickly agreed to go home and await Chandler's return.  
  
"Now, remember," Phoebe told him as they arrived at Joey's apartment, "you're his best friend and he's probably going to want to find you first and talk to you about it."  
  
"Right, yeah, I'll calm him down."  
  
"Yeah, and he'll probably panic again at the first sign of Monica, so you just keep him over here while I talk to Monica, okay?"  
  
"But I thought they'd want to talk it out?"  
  
"Eventually, but not now! You just, um, you tell him that you're here for him, you're his friend, you love him--stuff like that. Me and Monica will work out what she's going to say to apologize and stuff, and we'll come over when it's ready."  
  
"Okay," he shrugged.  
  
"Oh, and if he's really stressed out, you should mix a spoonful of *this* into his beer." She got out a bottle from the fridge to show Joey. "It's one of my relaxing herbal drinks."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Well, I gotta go find Monica. Bye!" Phoebe left Joey alone and waiting.  
  
***  
  
Phoebe's plan went slightly awry when she found Monica back at the coffeehouse, and Chandler also showed up, looking for Joey.  
  
Monica attempted to apologize and say that it was all a mistake. "Really, I'm not trying to pressure you. It means nothing!"  
  
"Nothing?" Chandler replied. "You've been wanting to get married forever, to somebody, anybody." He pointed. "Phoebe even told me about you girls all wearing wedding dresses in some big wedding frenzy two years ago."  
  
"Phoebe, how could you?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged and pretended to be sorry, but it was all a part of her plot.  
  
Chandler didn't wait around any longer, and just ran off again. Phoebe caught hold of Monica before she could follow him.  
  
"No, no! You'll only upset him more."  
  
"But, Pheebs--!"  
  
"Don't worry, it's all under control. I've got Joey looking for him, and he'll calm Chandler down. You've got to give him some time, or he'll just make another scene like this."  
  
"Damn it! Why did I ever listen to you? You got me into this!"  
  
"What, you think I planned this?"  
  
Monica sighed and shook her head reluctantly. "I guess not."  
  
"You know what, Mon? I'm gonna give you a massage. For free."  
  
"A massage?"  
  
"Yeah, so you'll feel better and won't be all tense when you see him next. He'll believe you better when you're calm. Come on."  
  
"Okay." Monica let Phoebe drag her away.  
  
"We'll go to Ross's, because I moved my massage table there."  
  
"You did?"  
  
"Uh-huh. Since Ross is gone for the weekend, I thought I'd stay at his place and give you and Chandler some alone time." Phoebe did not mention, though, how she had stolen the key to Ross's apartment.  
  
"That's so sweet! I'm sorry I yelled at you."  
  
So Phoebe took Monica over to Ross's apartment. She closed the drapes so that Monica could get naked in the living room, then Phoebe got her table and oils ready. Just like the last massage, Monica was very pliable, and Phoebe was able to relax her into a deep sleep.  
  
Phoebe figured that now she just had to wait for Rachel to come home from her dinner and catch Joey and Chandler together. Being Monica's friend, and an incurable gossip, Rachel would expose the secret of the guys' mutual love, which would lead to the painful, but necessary breakup. Monica deserved to know the truth about her boyfriend before things went any further between them.  
  
Unfortunately, Phoebe didn't know that Rachel had gone out of town with Paul after their dinner. Joey and Chandler ended up alone all night. 


	5. Alone All Night

Chapter 5. Alone All Night  
  
When Chandler first arrived, Joey jumped up to answer the door. "There you are! We were all so worried about you!"  
  
"We?" Chandler took a step back. "Monica's not here, is she? I don't want to see her."  
  
"No, she's not. I swear."  
  
So Chandler came inside, and Joey shut the door after him. He glanced at the clock and wondered if Phoebe had found Monica yet.  
  
Chandler sat down gloomily on the yellow couch. "So, you've heard the news from the blushing bride?"  
  
"Chandler! This is all just a big misunderstanding."  
  
"Sure!" he replied skeptically, then took out a carton of cigarettes from his pocket.  
  
"What?!" Joey rushed to take the carton away. "Hey, no, you're not smoking those."  
  
"I need them! Let go!"  
  
"No! I won't let you start again."  
  
"Come on, if I don't start smoking over this, what should I start for?"  
  
"Nothing!" Joey finally wrenched the carton away and stomped on it, then threw it out the window into the street below.  
  
Chandler moped on the couch. "You could've just let me hold one."  
  
"Sorry, Chandler. It's for your own good."  
  
He scoffed. "I bet getting married is for my own good too. Why else would Monica arrange the Bing-Geller wedding without telling me?"  
  
"Chandler, it's not like that."  
  
"What, you believe her when she says she signed us up just for fun? Fun, she says! Marriage isn't fun--not where I come from. For us Bings, marriage is all about misery, divorce, and traumatizing your kids..."  
  
"Chandler," Joey tried to hush him and put an arm around his shoulder, but Chandler turned away from him and swallowed uneasily.  
  
"I can't marry her, Joey, I can't!"  
  
"You don't have to!"  
  
"You tell Monica that!"  
  
Frustrated, Joey got up and snatched a couple of beers from the fridge while Chandler brooded some more. Making sure that Chandler didn't see him, Joey took Phoebe's advice to mix in a little of the herbal drink into Chandler's beer, not knowing that Phoebe had misled him about the effects of combining the drink with alcohol.  
  
Joey returned with the beers and sat next to him again.  
  
Chandler took a deep breath and shook his head. "What am I going to do?"  
  
"You should calm down and listen to me. Phoebe told me all about it, okay? Monica thought she was signing up for two years from now. She was just, I don't know, daydreaming about the future."  
  
"The future." Chandler grimaced. "I'm not ready for it."  
  
"You don't have to be, not for two years."  
  
"What if I'm not ready then?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "She's not gonna force you."  
  
Chandler drank his beer, not even noticing the odd taste of it.  
  
***  
  
The night went on, and Joey did his best to convince Chandler that the two years wasn't some kind of cast-in-stone deadline, but he got nowhere. He wished that Phoebe and Monica would arrive already, or at least that Rachel would come home and help him out.  
  
As they kept talking and drinking that night, Chandler became a complete mess, babbling about not being ready, not being asked, and not being sure he wanted to trust Monica and live with her anymore.  
  
"Don't say that!" Joey pleaded with him. "You belong with her."  
  
"Belong? I don't want to belong with her, or to her, or anything else! I just--I don't want commitments. I want..." Chandler trailed off and felt strange.  
  
"Look, Monica knows you; she knows you're not ready yet. Why would she want to scare you off?"  
  
"Because I'm not Richard, maybe?" He took another gulp of beer and whined, "You know, Richard smoked cigars and she didn't make *him* quit."  
  
"Well, you're better off than he is, okay! She loves you, and you love her."  
  
"Maybe I don't anymore."  
  
"That's not true!"  
  
"Don't tell me what I feel!" He hiccupped suddenly.  
  
Joey frowned and didn't know how to reason with him. Nor did he understand why Chandler was so affected, after not that many drinks. As a precaution, Joey took away Chandler's beer.  
  
Chandler glanced around his old apartment, becoming wistful. "You've got the life, Joey! Any girl you want. No commitments."  
  
"No, *you've* got the great life, Chandler. It's lonely here sometimes, when this place is all empty."  
  
"If you're lonely, you can get a girl."  
  
"That's not what I mean! Sometimes, I think I really want what you and Monica have. The trust, the love, the being comfortable together."  
  
"There's no trust anymore!"  
  
"Chandler!"  
  
He shrugged, then got more emotional. "Joey, Joey," he whispered, reaching for his arm. "I can trust you, right?"  
  
Joey came closer. "Of course, Chandler! You're my best friend."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
He nodded and looked in need of a hug, so Joey gave him one and pat his back encouragingly. "It's okay, Chandler. I'm here."  
  
Chandler held onto him. "Can I, um, can I move back in with you?"  
  
"What?" Joey sat back, shocked. "No, don't do that! You belong with Monica."  
  
"No I don't! Listen, you, uh, you tell Rachel to move back with Monica, or, or Ross. Or get her own damn apartment!"  
  
"You don't know what you're saying, Chandler. You're--you're drunk or something."  
  
"So! Monica was drunk when she slept with me. She didn't care."  
  
"Chandler, listen to me. You're happy with her. This is just one bad day!"  
  
"It's not--it's not just--" Chandler stammered and looked into Joey's eyes. "Did you--did you, uh, mean what you said?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You weren't just being nice before? Just, uh, humoring my crush on you?"  
  
Joey got up and hurried across the hall, frantically looking for Phoebe and Monica. But when he went inside, he just found an empty apartment. "Phoebe?" He checked the bedrooms too, then glanced into Ross's apartment across the street, but the drapes were closed. "Huh?"  
  
So Joey got on the phone and called Ross's number, but only the machine answered. He even called the coffeehouse, but Gunther said none of the gang were there, then asked Joey why he hadn't shown up for his shift lately. "Oh, uh..." Joey told him that he quit a long time ago, but forgot to tell Gunther. "Sorry."  
  
"Oh, that's cool. I was going to fire you anyway." Gunther hung up.  
  
Not knowing what else to do, Joey returned to his apartment, and found Chandler lying on the floor.  
  
"Chandler! What happened?" Joey rushed over and helped him back onto the couch.  
  
Chandler looked a bit dizzy. "I-I was following you."  
  
"What? Look, you need some coffee or something." Joey went to the fridge and searched for anything non-alcoholic, but he couldn't find anything besides Phoebe's herbal drink, which apparently was too strong for Chandler. And he didn't want to leave Chandler alone again.  
  
So he settled for getting a glass of tap water with ice.  
  
"Joey?" Chandler called from the couch, trying to turn around slowly. "Where'd you go?"  
  
"I'm still here. I'm coming." He came back and helped Chandler sip the water.  
  
"Don't--don't go," Chandler clung to Joey's shirt.  
  
"Yeah, I'm here. You just drink this, okay?"  
  
"Okay." Chandler cooperated and seemed a little more peaceful now.  
  
"Good. You're not gonna be sick? Good." Joey calmed somewhat and watched Chandler's drowsy eyes, then he put the glass down.  
  
After sitting together silently for a while, Chandler looked at Joey and whispered earnestly, "It--it was never about the money between us, was it?"  
  
"What? No, never! You're my best friend, Chandler. My buddy."  
  
"Yeah," he said, resting his head cozily against Joey's shoulder.  
  
"You, uh, feel better now?" Joey brushed the hair back from Chandler's eyes.  
  
He nodded. "Joey, you miss me, don't you? Living here?" Chandler hugged him tightly and wouldn't let go. "I miss you. I miss you so much." He choked up a little and confessed, "I wanted you to come live with us, but--"  
  
Joey shook his head. "No, Chandler, you don't need me there! You shouldn't move back here, either."  
  
He looked deeply hurt. "Don't you--don't you miss me?"  
  
"Of course I do! Every day. But--"  
  
Chandler interrupted, "Phoebe--Phoebe told me..." He paused and wasn't sure of himself.  
  
"What, Chandler?" Joey watched his eyes again.  
  
"She--she was teasing me for saying that Eldad smelled incredible, and she told me that when she massaged me, I would whisper your name in my sleep."  
  
"What?!" his eyes widened.  
  
"Joey," Chandler sighed longingly, stroking Joey's hair and smelling his neck.  
  
Joey swallowed and gently pushed at Chandler to let go of him. "Phoebe's just messing with you. Remember that time she kept joking about you and me?"  
  
"You and me," Chandler whispered, stubbornly clinging to him with desire.  
  
"Chandler, don't!"  
  
"What?" he looked hurt again, "You don't want me anymore? Or you didn't mean it when you said you did?"  
  
Joey met his eyes and shook his head. "I-I want you," he admitted softly. "But--but not if it's going to ruin--"  
  
"It's ruined already." Chandler clumsily caressed and kissed all over Joey's face, sighing his name all the while.  
  
Joey resisted as long as he could, but soon succumbed to his crush and kissed Chandler's mouth intensely. Chandler kissed him back, and they sank against the couch together, until Joey changed his mind again and pulled away, feeling too guilty to go on.  
  
"I, um, we should stop," he said urgently, sitting up.  
  
Chandler tried to pull him close again, but Joey remained firm and got up, pacing around the room anxiously.  
  
Joey wondered again why Rachel had not come home, and where Phoebe and Monica could be. When he noticed that Chandler had passed out at last, Joey put him to bed in his old room, then he retired for the night too. 


	6. The Truth Comes Out

Chapter 6. The Truth Comes Out  
  
By morning, Chandler had slept it off and regained his balance. He got up from the bed, and wandered out of the room to find Joey. He even remembered about the door being cut in two, and didn't trip.  
  
Joey was making breakfast in the kitchen, and he wondered if Chandler remembered everything that had happened last night. "You, uh, you okay?"  
  
Chandler looked at him and came near. "What did--did we, um...?"  
  
Joey looked away and cleared his throat. "Nothing, nothing happened! We should forget everything we said and, uh... did, you know?"  
  
"Oh. Okay." Chandler nodded, but looked sad at being rejected.  
  
Joey saw his hurt look, and longed to explain things better, but suddenly, Phoebe opened the door and came in, with Monica close behind her.  
  
The guys jumped away from each other and instantly felt uncomfortable.  
  
"Phoebe! Monica! Where were you all night?" Joey asked.  
  
"What?" Phoebe looked innocent, then ditzy. "Oh, did I forget to call you guys to tell you we were at Ross's?"  
  
"Phoebe!" Monica hit her. "This is why they never showed up." She turned to Joey. "Why didn't you call? I was so worried that you couldn't find Chandler."  
  
"I did call!" Joey answered. "Why didn't you answer? I got the machine."  
  
"You called? Phoebe, was I asleep?"  
  
"How should I know? I was asleep too!" (Actually, Phoebe had been trying to find Rachel at that time, because she should have come home already and reported finding Joey and Chandler in a guilty embrace. Phoebe had called Elizabeth to find out her dad Paul's phone number, but Elizabeth was out and her roommate wasn't of much help. So Phoebe had wrapped Monica into a robe and put her to bed, while she left to try getting the information out of somebody at NYU. Rachel had remained missing all night.)  
  
Monica approached her boyfriend with pleading eyes. "Chandler, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Are you still freaking out? Please stop freaking."  
  
Chandler remained aloof. "I'm--I'm not freaking out." He kept glancing at Joey.  
  
Phoebe saw how the guys nervously looked at each other, and she easily put it together with the way they had jumped when she first burst into the apartment. Something had happened, although they seemed intent on not admitting it.  
  
Monica kept trying to mend things. "Chandler, I really didn't mean to rush you. It's just, Phoebe and Rachel--"  
  
"Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Hildy, and apparently some band called the Starlight Magic Seven!"  
  
"Chandler!" Monica felt ready to cry or throw something in frustration.  
  
Phoebe wasn't about to let go of her plan to instigate a breakup, so she gasped in shock. "Oh my God! That was you guys."  
  
Everyone turned to look at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What are you talking about, Phoebe?"  
  
"While you were asleep, I, uh, I got out Ross's telescope thingy to look across the street and see if I could spot Chandler and Joey. I thought I'd found the right window to peek into, but then I saw two guys making out and figured I must be looking in the wrong apartment."  
  
"You must have! Ross said you can't see in here--" But Monica stopped and saw how pale and guilty Joey and Chandler looked. "What? She's right? But that's imposs--"  
  
Joey spoke up first, trying to bluff it off. "Of course we weren't! Phoebe's seeing things. She's, uh, she's had one too many of her herbal drinks." He gave Phoebe an accusing look.  
  
"Chandler, are you going to let Joey stand there and lie like that?" Phoebe demanded. "Or are you going to tell your girlfriend the truth and stop deceiving her?"  
  
Chandler looked undecided for a moment, and glanced at Joey painfully.  
  
Monica was horrified and confused. "No! You're lying, Phoebe. Joey's straight." She gasped and realized that she was positive that Joey was straight, but not that Chandler, the guy she was sleeping and living with, was.  
  
"You're right," Chandler said softly, looking sad. "I came on to Joey last night, and he didn't feel the same about me. He's straight."  
  
Joey looked at Chandler and shook his head. "No, I--"  
  
Monica couldn't take it anymore, so she ran to her apartment crying, and Phoebe started to follow her.  
  
Joey tried to stop her. "Phoebe, did you know--? Did you plan--?"  
  
"Hey!" Phoebe defended her actions, pointing sternly at Chandler. "You don't have the right to get her hopes up with a serious relationship, if you're not 100% committed to her. You just be glad that I got you to admit it before it was too late!" She then stormed off to comfort Monica.  
  
Chandler sighed miserably and looked down at his feet. "I, um, I'll find a hotel to stay at for now. I won't see you again, if you don't--"  
  
"Chandler!" Joey caught hold of him and made him look into his eyes. "I'm not straight. Not 100%."  
  
"Then, last night, why wouldn't you--?"  
  
"Monica, of course! She doesn't deserve to be hurt, and I didn't want to break you guys up, if I could help it. But maybe Phoebe's right, and it's better to face the truth."  
  
Chandler pulled Joey closer and kissed him. Joey held on tight, and didn't let go. 


	7. Life Goes On

Chapter 7. Life Goes On  
  
Returning from their weekend trip to the cabin, Ross and Rachel were the last to hear the big news.  
  
Chandler had moved his things from Monica's apartment and back into Joey's, while Rachel's stuff was packed and put near the door as a nonverbal suggestion that she should leave, unless she could handle living with Joey and Chandler all over each other all the time, in a frenzy of desire.  
  
Phoebe was still comforting Monica. "Look at it this way. At least you didn't get married in Vegas! You found out the truth before things went too far."  
  
Monica sniffled. "What if we *did* get married? What if--what if this is like a Geller pattern or something? Marrying somebody who turns out to be gay? I should've known! I should've seen!"  
  
"Aw, Monica--"  
  
Puzzled, Rachel found her bags out in the hallway and grabbed them as she came into Monica's apartment. "What's going on?"  
  
"There you are!" Phoebe said. "Why don't you leave a number if you go away for a whole weekend!"  
  
"Sorry! It was Paul's big surprise, remember? He was not gay; he just took me to his family's cabin in the woods. Ross and Elizabeth were there too."  
  
"Whoa! Talk about an awkward surprise."  
  
"Monica, my God, you're crying! What's wrong? Where's Chandler?"  
  
Phoebe shushed Rachel and pointed her toward the phone. "You call Ross and tell him to get over here right away. Forget unpacking and just get his little tushie here, so we can tell you both at the same time."  
  
"Okay, okay." Rachel obeyed, and soon Ross answered the summons.  
  
***  
  
"Oh my God!" Ross paced around in outrage after the weekend's events were explained. "How can Chandler do this to you? I'm-I'm going over there right now to kick his ass!"  
  
Phoebe and Rachel laughed, and Monica even managed to crack a smile.  
  
"Wh-what? You don't think I can?"  
  
Rachel giggled. "Well, even if you could, Ross, you'd have to kick Joey's ass first to get to Chandler's ass, which I'm guessing he's pretty protective of right now."  
  
"Eww, thanks for the mental image!" Ross sat down again, still upset. "So--so like, are they feeling guilty at all about this mess they've made? Is anybody going to make them be responsible?"  
  
"The way I see it," Phoebe replied, "they *are* being responsible, by preventing Monica from making the horrible mistake of marrying Chandler, like you married Carol."  
  
"She's got a point, there," Rachel said. "Although it wasn't all horrible, right? At least you got a son from Carol."  
  
"Aw!" Monica got upset again. "I'm never gonna have babies!"  
  
"No, no, no!" Rachel quickly regretted her words.  
  
"You had to bring up the babies!" Ross complained.  
  
Phoebe soothed Monica again. "No, Mon, there's plenty of time still! Trust me, you're gonna find your real soul mate, and you're gonna get married and have lots of babies."  
  
"But when? I thought I'd finally found a relationship that was going somewhere!"  
  
"Look, if worse comes to worst, and you've totally forgiven Joey and Chandler by then, you can ask one of them to donate some sperm to you, so that you can have a baby."  
  
Monica found that idea intriguing. "Well, I'd already know what the kids would be like: pretty and slutty like Joey, or smart and funny like Chandler."  
  
***  
  
The whole gang slowly got back on speaking terms, through Phoebe's masterful puppeteering and manipulation. Joey and Chandler hesitantly showed their faces across the hall again, to ask if Monica was all right, and she asked about them in return. Everyone, especially Ross, slowly adjusted to the new love affair in their midst.  
  
Meanwhile, Rachel at first stayed on the couch in the girls' apartment, helping Phoebe to look after Monica, until she found another apartment in the area that she could afford. In the middle of this move, she broke up with Paul, and Ross soon decided to break up with Elizabeth too, because he didn't see their relationship having a future.  
  
Suddenly, Richard came to Monica's restaurant to see her, and confessed that he still thought about her, even though their last meeting was a year ago, prior to the gang's trip to Vegas. Richard said that he still loved her, wanted to marry her, and wanted to have kids. This was all quite sudden, so Monica asked for some time to think about it.  
  
She eventually told him about the whole thing with Chandler, and how she was on the rebound from that traumatic breakup. So Richard agreed to take his proposal off the table and take things slowly with Monica, to help her trust and fall in love again. He even quit smoking cigars for her, to show his determination to be with her permanently, and not just on the rebound.  
  
The repairs on Phoebe's apartment finally finished, and the two-bedroom became a spacious one-bedroom, much to Phoebe's delight. So when she moved out of Monica's guest bedroom, Richard moved in with Monica, and they made the spare room into a study containing Richard's African art. Hopefully someday it would become a nursery.  
  
Since Phoebe took her fridge back when she left, Joey and Chandler bought a new fridge for themselves, and Chandler moved permanently into Joey's room, leaving his old bedroom with the slashed door to their pet duck and rooster. It was nice for both the guys to be earning money now; Joey felt that he was paying his fair share at last, instead of living off Chandler's indulgent charity.  
  
Rachel remained happily settled in her own apartment and made more progress in her career at Ralph Lauren.  
  
Inspired by Richard's return to Monica's life, Ross started thinking about getting back together with Rachel again, although he had to contend with the obstacle of Rachel's inappropriate crush on her assistant Tag. Maybe Ross should talk to Phoebe and ask her to do more of her "puppeteering" magic for him!  
  
The End 


End file.
